How Long - 1 Month

So it's the middle of the night and I'm wide awake...again. Today made 1 month since I lost my baby girl. Such a sad day. I cried off and on for most of the day. I tried to be strong. Tried to focus on all the positive and good things our Foundation is going to accomplish. It would help for a little while, but then I would just get sad again. My doctor's office called and asked me to come in. I went. The nurses there are wonderful. They were all very concerned since they hadn't heard from me. I told them about the foundation and they all think it's great and want to help. Even my doctor said he could make a couple calls for me. It's so great to see people that truly care. I was also told that there had been nothing wrong with Kaitlyn. My Dr. said they also checked the placenta and all was fine there too. He said a bacteria infection had caused my water to break. This brought on very mixed emotions as well. I was glad that there wasn't anything wrong with her and I was glad that there wasn't something keeping me from carrying a child. Since this is my 3rd miscarriage and all. (Not sure if I mentioned that before) It was also good to know why this happened to an extent. What was horrible is to know this was most likely something that could have been prevented or treated. Then I could still have my baby inside me right now. As my eyes fill up with tears at this very moment, I know I shouldn't think about things that way. It's just so hard not to. I don't know how to control it. Not yet at least. People keep telling me it's gonna take time, it will get easier. Seems so far off. Just when I think its getting better, something triggers my emotions. It could be a movie, a song, seeing or hearing of someone else being pregnant....again. That's all it takes and I'm either sobbing with hurt and sadness or so mad and frustrated which eventually turns into tears as well. How long is this going to last? How long before I can picture Kaitlyn in my head and my eyes not fill up with tears? How long before my heart doesn't literally feel like its tearing in two?